Why do they call it football, anyway?
‘Cus, most of the time, they’re using their hands to throw it. Not kick it. Well, I guess sometimes they do. When they have to put it through the bars and stuff.
But really, soccer should be called football, then. Because, in that game, at least most of the time they are kicking the ball. Except of course when they use their noggins to bash it into the goal. Gosh, that’s so weird. And painful. Don’t you think that would be painful? I mean, all that cerebral fluid swishing around in there…ugh. Yuck. Nevermind.
On second thought…
Maybe it’s called soccer because they wear really high socks. Yes. That must be it.
I’m feeling a little philosophical on this loveliest of Tuesdays. I hope you understand.
And if you don’t, that’s okay.
I’ve whipped up some manly, meaty, mega-sized appetizers to distract you. Have I got your attention now?
These morsels of juicy goodness are perfect for the men folk as they often do require a bit more substance to their meals. Regretfully, I was unable to successfully catch a boar with my spring trap or slay a dragon with my spear on my last hunting trip. I have neither boar nor dragon to grace this year’s Super Bowl Party spread. I have acquired much shame in this.
Instead, I come with meatballs and fried bologna sandwiches. Both equally satisfying.
These meatballs are a combo pork-veal variety, studded with robust offerings of crispy bacon and saucy chipotle peppers. They’re fired up under the broiler until brown and slightly charred. Even the ladies will be fighting over this one. Get it while it’s haute.
*Recipe adapted from Bon Appetit
Prep Time: 25 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes
For the meatballs:
1/3 C. whole milk
1/3 C. bread crumbs
6 bacon slices, chopped
Â½ C. finely chopped onion
1 T. chopped garlic
1 T. finely chopped, seeded, canned chipotles in adobo
1 t. ground cumin
Â¾ t. dried oregano
1 t. salt
2 T. water
Â¾ lb. ground pork
Â½ lb. ground veal
1 large egg; lightly beaten
Â¼ C. chopped flat-leaf parsley
1 lime; cut into wedges
For the chipotle-lime sauce:
1 lime; juiced
Â½ C. mayonnaise
2 chipotle peppers; seeded and chopped finely
1 T. adobo sauce
Black pepper; a pinch
For the meatballs:
In a large mixing bowl, combine the whole milk with the bread crumbs. Set aside.
Fry the bacon in a large skillet over medium high heat until brown and crisp. Set aside in a small bowl, reserving 1 T. bacon fat in the skillet.
Cook the onion, garlic, chipotle peppers, cumin, and oregano in the skillet until softened; about 2 minutes. Add water and cook, stirring and scraping up brown bits, until the water has evaporated; about another minute. Add this mixture to the milk and bread crumbs. Add in the ground meats, egg, parsley, bacon, and 1 t. salt. Mix together with your hands until everything is fully combined.
Set an oven grate to itsâ€™ highest position and turn on the broiler. Grease a large baking sheet for the meatballs.
Using your hands, form the mixture into small meatballs; about 1 T. worth, and place in rows onto the baking sheet. (Tip: Have a bowl of water handy. Dipping your fingers into the water periodically will keep the meatballs from sticking to your hands.)
Brown the meatballs, without turning, under the broiler for about 10 minutes. You may have to slide the baking sheet occasionally to ensure all the meatballs get browned evenly.
For the chipotle-lime sauce:
Combine the lime juice, mayonnaise, chopped chipotle peppers and their sauce, and a pinch of pepper into a small bowl. Whisk together. Taste for seasonings.
Serve the meatballs with dipping sauce and lime wedges. Enjoy!
I LOVE bologna. Is there a shirt for that? An app, maybe?
Why, yes. Yes, there is an app for that.
I present to you Mr. Fried Bologna Sandwich in all his glory. The appetizer of all appetizers. This stuff is ridiculously good. Stupidly good. Call me a traditionalist, a classic throw-back-ist, whatever. I freakin’ LOVE bologna. But, you already know that.
Nestled in a soft pretzel bun (I know, I was ecstatic, too!), smothered with maple-dijon mustard, and dolled up with fried bologna disks, a grilled tomato, and a crunchy egg, this mini-mammoth of a sandwich is sure to please. You won’t be the least bit ashamed to lick the trail of egg juice dripping down your wrist. At least, I wasn’t.
Fried Bologna Sandwiches
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 7 minutes
*Note: Serving size is adaptable. Up the ingredients depending on how many peeps you have over.
1 soft mini pretzel bun; halved and toasted
4-5 slices of bologna; medium-thickness; cut into circles
1 thick slice roma tomato
1 whole egg
Salt and pepper
1 T. Dijon mustard
1 Â½ t. maple syrup
In a small frying pan, heat 1 T. vegetable oil over medium-high heat. Add the bologna slices to fry, flipping over to brown on both sides. Set aside. Add the tomato slice to the pan and brown on both sides slightly; about 30 seconds. Set aside. Season with salt and pepper.
Fry the egg in the same pan until golden and cooked all the way through. Season with salt and pepper. Cut the egg into a circle (with a biscuit or cookie cutter). Set aside.
In a small bowl, combine the Dijon mustard and maple syrup to make the sauce for the sandwich.
Assemble the sandwich by spreading a generous amount of maple-mustard sauce on the bottom of the bun. Add the tomato, then the slices of fried bologna, and then finally with the fried egg. Top with the other side of the bun. Enjoy!